Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Coming Up For Air

I know I haven't been very good about keeping up with my blog here.  Heck, it's been kinda difficult just keeping up with life lately! 

Spring is the time for renewal and growth and our garden has certainly been testament to that.

But, this spring has also brought the loss of my beloved horse, Bonnie.  She always seemed so healthy and it was easy to forget that she was a "senior" because she really didn't look it.  But, she went down on the Saturday before Mother's Day and while she rallied for a bit after a shot from the vet, we ended up having to euthanize her the next morning.  Man!  That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I thank God that my dear husband was home.  He's so supportive and such a rock for me.  We buried her in the small pasture behind the barn and this wonderful man of mine planted the whole area in wildflower seeds!  I know seeing the flowers in bloom will be very bittersweet.

I did the drawing above through my tears.  It's not very good, I know.  It's charcoal and I don't have any experience with charcoal.  I also haven't drawn many horses.  But this was cathartic for me and I don't really care that it's not perfect.  I guess a wobbly little foal running through a meadow of wildflowers sort of symbolizes my wobbly steps back into my own life.  Sort of stepping into a new "normal" that doesn't include trips to the barn twice a day, or heavy feed bags or hay bales. 

However, I still find myself slipping into my barn boots twice a day and panicking when I see the open pasture gate - the habits of well over 20 years are awfully hard to break.